1 to 7 days (depending on what you both feel good about, or, on what your coach recommends).
Zero conversation about issues other than time-sensitive stuff. For time sensitive issues, during a "Cleanse" we suggest a private coaching session. Text Narelle at 801 548 8212 to make an appointment.
The "Relationship Cleanse" is to cleanse your relationship from the toxic build resulting from issues conversations i.e. disappointments, disagreements, who's right, who's wrong, who's fault it is, why you aren't doing more of what I want you to do etc.
During your cleanse, all conversations are directed away from issues, or anything that could even imply disappointment, disapproval, judgement or upset regarding your spouse's performance or character.
What to talk about during a cleanse:
Everything else! The weather, history, favorite childhood memories, common interests, T.V shows, movies, your kids (as long as there is zero implication of your spouse's poor performance), health issues, favorite recipes, etc. Remember when you were dating your spouse? (before getting married). What did you talk about?
A "Relationship Cleanse" a wonderful alternative to the stale, day to day diet of issues, misunderstanding and disappointment.
This is also a great launch for Nightly Check In & Chit Chat, (minus any requests, unless they are operational i.e. "Could you pick up some ice melt for me on the way home from work?")
After your initial cleanse, do a maintenance cleanse as needed, and as mutually agreed.
If you're not in agreement about whether to do a cleanse, review "Managing Outgoing" and "Managing Incoming." That will hold you over.
1) During a cleanse you can talk about issues you have with yourself i.e. regrets, goals, fears, questions about life, religious or spiritual questions or feelings etc. You simply must be super careful to not say anything that could implicate your partner. Keep it close to the heart! There really is so much to share about yourself. You just don't remember how because you've spent years talking, not about yourself, but about him or her!
2) A Relationship Cleanse implies and assumes that you are willing to do breakthrough work, privately vs. stuffing your feelings or fostering resentment because of not being able to talk about something until the cleanse is over. Dr. John Lund suggests taking your victim story, upset or feelings of disappointment to the one being who is totally willing to hear you, God- not your spouse. Take your U.S.A. request to your spouse (See Nightly Check In & Chit Chat). If something comes that you both know usually leads to upset or frustration in you, your spouse should be sensing your willingness to do breakthrough work vs. a brewing in your heart.
Note: Breakthrough work means, prayer, fasting, exercise, reading scriptures, taking long walks, singing hymns, writing in your journal and/or any other process that serves to dismantle your victim story, your fixed agenda for your spouse, andyour quiet little seething fit.
3) Tokens from Sponsor: A fun custom to consider for your cleanses
If you both agree, going forward, who ever calls for a cleanse also supplies 2 or more special compensation tokens for this cleanse (depending on how long your cleanse is). These tokens can help restore your emotional bank account with your partner that could go into the red on account of asking for a cleanse.
Tokens could be home-made cookies, a back or foot rub, date to a favorite restaurant, being willing to watch the kind of movie your spouse wants to watch, doing an act of house hold service that you've been putting off like cleaning the garage etc.
4) The "Relationship Cleanse" (not discussing any issues) is something you will want to continue to do on all date nights, even after your initial 7 days.