Write & Share Instructions and Guidelines
1) Write for _____ minutes. Questions to write about will be provided each time we write.
2) Write about what’s up with you vs. your partner; your feelings, perspective, fears, victories, questions etc. Own your feelings. Own your experience.
3) After writing, exchange notebooks with each other.
4) Read each other's entry.
5) Partner A shares:
"What struck me about what I wrote”, or “what stood out for me was (or “is”) ________” (a minute or two)
Then, share what stood out about what your partner wrote i.e.
"What stood out for me (or struck me, or impressed me) about what you wrote was (or is) _____”
"What I think I understand about you, more, is that ________" [Note: Make this uplifting, never critical]
Feel free to validate what you are hearing when spouse shares i.e. “yes, that makes sense” and/or to empathize i.e. “I totally get how you would feel like that” or even “tell me more about _________" etc.
6) Reverse the above. Partner B now shares.
Pay zero attention to grammar or spelling.
Do not even imply any criticism.
Do NOT become defensive.
Talk about yourself , not your spouse.
Avoid blaming statements, i.e., "you made me..." or "you didn't...". Stay with your feelings.
Don't expect your spouse to change because you shared your feelings.
Don't short-change your "Write & Share" time.
Write & Share Topics
Write & Share Topics (inspired by Dr. Victor Cline )
- How do I feel when you point out something you like about me, or are proud of or are thankful for?
- What did I feel as we read the power of “closing the back door?” “How does this apply to me, not my spouse?” (Stay with your feelings on this one. This isn’t about your partner).
- What will I feel deep inside of me by never saying goodbye, regardless of how hard things might get or how much I might like to run? What will I feel? What am I now feeling as I write about this?
- When I have felt closest to you in the past 3 to 6 months and how it feels?
- How does it feel when you greet me (or treat me) warmly after a rough day?
- Why do I love you? What are my feelings about you and the love I have for you?
- In what ways do I need you the most? How do I feel when you come through in these ways?
- How do I feel when you kiss me or touch me?
- How do I feel when we pray or meditate together?
- What are my feelings when you tell me you need me?
- What are my feelings when I want to be with you and can't.
- How do I feel when I listen to you with my heart, or you listen to me with your heart?
- How do I feel knowing I am yours?
- What I feel as I look and see the real you.
- What are my feelings when I know I have hurt you?
- How do I feel when I humble myself and decide to be there for you?
- What are my feelings when I know you are proud of me?
- The most significant thing that has happened with us the last 3 months & how it made me feel.
- When I need to relax, what I love the most from you is…
- What are my feelings when I'm aware that you have had a bad day.
- How do I feel when I'm too tired to pay attention to you and give you what you need?
- What have I done to make you #1 recently and how does it make me feel?
- When I’m upset about something, I would love for you to… When you do, it makes me feel…
- The strongest feeling I've had today is ____. How do I feel as I prepare to share this?
- What feelings do I have that I find most difficult to share with you and how does this feel?
- How do I feel when you hug me or hold me for a long time?
- If we could spend an entire day together, uninterrupted, I would want to…
- How do I feel when you tell me that you love me?
- What are my feelings just being quiet and cozy with you?
- Did I strive for unity this past week? How did it feel? How does it feel?
- The most important thing to know about me is…
- Things I like you do for me, in order of importance. Why? ...and how it makes me feel.
- What would I be saying to you if we were sitting on the porch of our house in 20 years?
- What are my reasons for wanting to go on living?
- What are my dreams for our marriage and life together?
- How do I feel when we pray and/or read scriptures as a couple? How do I think you feel.
How do I feel about my willingness or lack of willingness to fight fire with faith? (Please note that this is about you, not your spouse)
- What do I often do when I feel separated from you? How do I feel when I do this? How do I think you might feel? What do you do when I __________________ (what you just wrote about)? How do we both end up feeling?
- What happens to me when I conclude that something is your fault? How do I feel inside?
- What would happen in my feelings? (what would I feel?) if I took 100% responsibility for every single thing I did, said and am that causes you emotional pain?
- What is it like for me when I don’t feel emotionally safe? - when I feel like you may leave me or withdraw your love, or disapprove of me or be disappointed in me? What do I feel?
Note: You can also use the "Face to Face" questions and sentence completions for your "Write and Share" time. Use any of these questions, or your own, however you'd like. The goal is to get to know each other.