Face to Face (Getting to Know Each Other)

 Inspired by Barry Spulchuck 

Warning!  Face to Face is the highest level of sharing. Please use this only if you're emotional bank account is high with each other (or under the advice of your coach). If not, stick to Nightly Check In & Chit Chat and "Write and Share" for your Personal Couples Retreats.   

If your emotional bank account is high with each other you can use any questions for any activity. For instance, if you wanted to, you could use "Face to Face" questions for Nightly Check In & Chit Chat or Write and Share

Instructions and Guidelines
 (The actual questions are below this)

1) These should be done face to face, knee to knee (or at least close to it) UNLESS your emotional bank account is so high with each other than you can navigate through these kinds of tender and deep waters even on a walk.    

2) On repeating questions, Partner A picks and asks Partner B one of the questions, slowly, gently and repeatedly.  Each time Partner B answers, Partner A asks the question again.  Go about 1 minute and then switch directions, doing the same question.  

3) Avoid conversation.  Keep with brief answers to the questions.  

In "sentence completions" Partner A completes the sentence 3 to 5 times (or if in a workshop, until the time is up). Partner B then completes the sentence 3 to 5 times (or until the time is up).  You can, alternatively do "Sentence completion" or "repeating questions" "ping pong" style (as inspired) taking turns completing the sentence for 1 to 5 minutes.

5) There are no right or wrong answers. Just say whatever comes to your mind (bearing in mind the guidelines below).

Most important instruction!  Make your answers about YOU, not about your partner.  This is a "get to KNOW each other" exercise.  Click here for managing an issue. 

 "What do you want to feel?"

Good examples of responses: 

  • I want to feel fully alive. 
  • I want to feel my faith again. 
  • I want to feel unashamed about my past. etc.  

Disastrous responses:

  • I want to feel like you really care about me.
  • I want to feel like you're putting me first.
  • I want to feel like I actually matter to you.
  • I want to feel sexually turned on when I'm in your arms (because I never do) etc.

Of course, some of these questions are an invitation to get clear on your needs and how to better come through for each other.  BE CAREFUL to make your responses upbeat and brief.  Point your partner toward possibilities, not disappointments. 

"What do you need from me?" 

Good responses: 

  • More time.
  • More movies.
  • More walks.
  • When I'm telling you my feelings, just to take 5 solid minutes to listen.  That would be great.

Disastrous responses:

  • More money. (This one is enough to send any man off a cliff)
  • More sincerity (What does that mean?  Get specific.  Get upbeat)
  • For you to think about me for once, instead of yourself  etc.

Face to Face Questions & Sentence Completion 

 This list doubles.  Please dovetail

  1. What do you want?   (Repeating question)

  2. What makes you happy?   (Repeating question)

  3. Who are you?   (Repeating question)

  4. What are you afraid of?   (Repeating question)

  5. What makes you feel safe?   (Repeating question)

  6. What do you love and why?   (Ping pong)

  7. What makes you embarrassed?   (Ping pong)

  8. When do you feel proud?   (Ping pong) 

  9. What’s missing from your life?   (Repeating question)

  10. What I’m afraid to feel is...     (Sentence completion)

  11. What do you hold on to?     (Repeating question)

  12. I’m afraid to let you love me because…    (Sentence completion)

  13. I’m afraid of succeeding because...   (Sentence Completion or Ping pong)

  14. What are you risking by loving me?   (Repeating question)

  15. What I’m afraid to be is…   (Sentence completion or Ping Pong)

  16. What I would like to give you is...  (Sentence completion)

  17. What I don’t want to look at is...   (Sentence completion)

  18. What do you need from me?   (Repeating question)

  19. What do you need the most from me?   (Repeating question)

  20. What would you like me to give myself?   (Repeating question)

  21. I feel loved by you when…   (Sentence completion or Ping Pong)

  22. What I think you need is...   (Sentence completion)

  23. What I want to feel is...  (Sentence completion)

  24. What do you stand for?   (Repeating question)

  25. What do you need from me?   (Repeating question)

  26. What makes my life worth living is...  (Ping Pong)

  27. What I don’t want to look at is...   (Sentence completion or Ping Pong)

  28. I’m grateful for…  (Ping Pong]

  29. I feel loved when you say...  (Ping Pong)

  30. What I would like to give you is...  (Sentence completion)

  31. What I don’t want you to see in me is...  (Sentence completion or Ping pong)

  32. What I love about you is…   (Ping Pong)

  33. What would you like me to give myself?   (Repeating question)

  34. What are you pretending not to know?   (Repeating question)

  35. What I (sometimes) avoid with you is…  (Sentence completion)

  36. What do you want for our children?    (Repeating question)

  37. What do you want to leave behind?    (Repeating question)

  38. What I feel insecure about is...    (Sentence completion)

  39. Something you do that makes me feel loved is..

Copyright - 2018 - John Canaan (www.pathofpeace.org)